Empty Arms and Unveiled Truth

Those that have followed my blog for the last year know that our family walked through some difficult times.  One of those was a surprise pregnancy and second trimester miscarriage.  Walking through that left us scratching our heads many times, but trusting that God was doing something we couldn't see.  After taking time to grieve our loss, I couldn't help but think that God was preparing us for something else.  I even shared with a friend that I was excited to see what the next plans would be that God was to reveal to us.

So, fast forward to around the time of when my due date was supposed to be...our children's home received a precious little one who had been in a severely abusive situation.  She was under two years old and had already physically endured so much, not to mention her emotional state of being.  The department of social services here actually wanted her in the care of a family to assist with her healing.  Rene and I stepped forward to volunteer.  I just knew we were supposed to be a part of her healing.  Little did I know that God would use her for our healing too.  She has brought so much joy to our home.  Sure, there have been sleepless nights, but the smiles and laughter make it so worth it.

Today marks one year since I entered the hospital with life in my womb and walked out with empty arms.  Interesting enough, I found myself back at the same hospital today, on the same floor, accompanying a friend for her appointment.  I took time to remember...
I remember sitting in a wheelchair at the entrance/exit door last year while Rene went to get the car.  I remember my heart aching as I watched moms with babies and little ones entering those doors while mine were left so eerily empty.  It seemed so unfair, yet, I decided to trust.  I made the conscious decision to trust the One who sees all and loves us.  In contrast, today, I walked out the doors laughing and talking with two special friends.  Time and the Holy Spirit really do have a way of healing our hearts.  I also recognize that today, I left those same doors with my heart full of things that I didn't have a year ago....new revelations of my Savior and sweet memories with our sweet little foster daughter.

This year, we face new difficulties and circumstances.  The ministries that we have invested our lives into were taken away from us....this is a new set of empty arms that we have never experienced before.  The pain has been great.  The struggle real.  We miss the people so much.  I watch the others that still have the privilege of serving in the ministries and I feel the aching of my own heart, wishing I could join them.  Yet, I choose to trust Him and His sovereignty.  I can't help but to believe that He is preparing the way for the next area of service.  I choose to believe that in time, I will look back and realize that I have new revelations of my Savior and sweet new memories of ministry.

Also in this same season, we find ourselves having to lay this sweet little girl back at the Savior's feet, trusting that His divine plan is perfect for her.  Right now, it seems that circumstances for her will change and our hearts will grieve again, but we trust....We know He is working all things together for good and His glory.

In this season of our lives, this is our testimony:

There is strength within the sorrow
There is beauty in our tears
And You meet us in our mourning
With a love that casts out fear
You are working in our waiting
You're sanctifying us
When beyond our understanding
You're teaching us to trust
Your plans are still to prosper
You have not forgotten us
You're with us in the fire and the flood
You're faithful forever
Perfect in love
You are sovereign over us

God Has a Special Plan for Them too!

Last week, I got to witness the culmination of a very difficult journey of adoption.  This family has been faith fighting to make this precious girl their daughter for over seven years!  By far, this has been the longest adoption process I have witnessed.  Without going into details of a story that is not mine to tell, this country just doesn't make adoptions easy.  The odds are truly stacked against anyone who desires to pursue one here.  So, it was pure relief and joy to witness this one's status change from orphan to daughter.  I posted their picture on social media and wrote the caption above.

"An example of relentless love, of continual pursuit when all odds were against them.  I am inspired by their faith and rejoice in this act of redemption.  Happy adoption signing day, Lluvia!  God has great plans for you."

Ever since I posted that, I have fought an internal battle of sorts.
I am an adoptive mom.  I don't believe there is any action that more tangibly represents the Gospel of Jesus than the act of adoption.  It is beautiful.  It is a true act of redemption.  I am ecstatic that this family gets to experience that!  I am overjoyed that this child will now have a forever family and I do believe that God has great plans for her.  After all, a family environment is always best.

However, I couldn't help but think about the other children that live in our children's home.  The many children that will never have the opportunity for adoption.  Does God have great plans for them too?  Their lives will never look so Cinderalla-like.  They won't have the person to call mom or dad.  They won't get to drive out those gates to a new home and a new life.  For many different reasons, they will be stuck in the children's home they have been placed in.  Yet, I DO believe that God has GREAT plans for them too.

I am reminded that even when the fairy-tale ending doesn't happen, God is still good and He is in the business of bringing Himself glory.  I am reminded that He is writing the stories for each of the littles that live in the home.  I am reminded that His story is still good and it is part of a greater and bigger story. Even when disappointment comes and expectations are not met, it is the process of knowing Him that is most important.  That is the purpose of Good Shepherd Children's Home- to provide a safe and loving home to those that have been abused, abandoned, and neglected and through that process to point them to Jesus.  That is the purpose of Good Shepherd Christian Academy- to provide a high quality, Christ-centered education that is equipping them for a bright future.

There is an amazing team of North American missionaries and Honduran staff members that are working hard to ensure that we are giving the best possible childhood to those that will never know another place to call home.  We tackle this endeavor from many different fronts including a home environment that includes good meals, safe homes, family atmosphere (Good Shepherd Children's Home), education (Good Shepherd Christian Academy),  and spirituality (Valley Church).

I want to invite you to join our efforts through your prayers and finances to help us say to those kids that God has a special plan for them too.

Check out the websites below:

www.gsch.bmdmi.org
www.gscaedu.org

Lessons from Lilly Jane

As our oldest daughter’s birthday nears this week, I am painfully aware that this would also have been the due date of our youngest daughter, Lilly Jane.  Perhaps, Owen’s note to her says it best, “One heart beat has changed mine forever.”  Although we will never fully understand, we did and have asked God to help us not miss the lessons he wanted to teach us through this event in our lives.  So, here are a few lessons from Lilly Jane:

1. We trust Jesus.  

We were surprised by our pregnancy.  Since birth control was in place, pregnancy wasn't even on our radar and the honest truth is that it took me some time to wrap my head around it.  Rene also had difficulty processing this news.  But, when it is all said in done, we know the Giver of Life.  We know the One that hung the stars, numbers the hairs on our head, and knows the number of our days.  We KNOW Him and we TRUST Him.  So, as surprised as we were, we could open our hearts and acknowledge that His plan is bigger than we will ever know.  And, in the same way He gave us this special life, He also took it away.  We STILL trust Him.  We know that we don't have to understand the "why's?".  He is God and we are not and our lives are His to use as He pleases.  Our prayer has been that we will glorify Him through these trials.

          2. Every life matters- Pro-LIFESTYLE 

2017 was a year that reminded me that being pro-life is so much more than a political stance.   Being pro-life means so much more than being anti-abortion.  It has to be a lifestyle.  Pro-life means pro-foster care, pro-adoption, pro-hospice, pro-pregnancy center, pro-single mom ministry, pro- special needs ministry.  Being pro-life means acknowledging your pregnancy and grieving if its lost.   It was so interesting for us to walk through the process of our miscarriage.  If I had carried one more week, it would have been labeled “still-birth” and a death certificate would have been issued and probably a funeral would have happened, but our pregnancy loss was just a miscarriage.  We were faced with questions of wondering what is the protocol for this?  What do we do with the baby’s remains?  We believe that every life matters, so we weighed heavily the proper way to grieve our loss in a way that our other children would be able to understand.  We decided to have a memorial service with just our family.  We sat around the living room and shared why were so sad.  We read some verses that the Holy Spirit had used to speak to our hearts.  Then, we lit some Chinese lanterns and released them in the yard to remember her by and to let her go.   This life that only existed 18 weeks, was honored and recognized because every life matters.

           3.  Priorities have shifted.

When we discovered our baby had serious health issues, our focus immediately shifted.  We are so accustomed to giving and doing for others, that often times those in our own home can get left out or neglected.  However, the news of Lilly reminded us of priorities.  We had to practically weigh our plans and health care options in order to make the correct decisions and we found ourselves willing to walk away from everything for the sake of our child.  Why?  Because priorities shifted.  We are reminded that after our relationship with Jesus, our family is our first ministry.  Sometimes, hard decisions have to be made in order to keep those priorities in order.  We were bracing ourselves for change....a new baby, possible health issues, the possibility of having to leave the mission field...these were all possibilities for us that we were having to prepare for.  In the end, from the outside, nothing has changed.  We are still serving internationally, there is no baby, there are no health issues, but WE have changed.  We are not the same people we were last year.  We hug our other children a little tighter and a little longer.  We have had opportunities to weep with other couples who have recently experienced the same kind of loss.  We have also rejoiced a little greater with the families that do have new babies to hold and rock.  And our hearts have been open to the idea of having another little one in our home.  We don't know if the Lord will allow that to come to pass, but our hearts and our home will never be the same again.