As our oldest daughter’s birthday nears this week, I am painfully aware that this would also have been the due date of our youngest daughter, Lilly Jane. Perhaps, Owen’s note to her says it best, “One heart beat has changed mine forever.” Although we will never fully understand, we did and have asked God to help us not miss the lessons he wanted to teach us through this event in our lives. So, here are a few lessons from Lilly Jane:
- We trust Jesus.
We were surprised by our pregnancy. Since birth control was in place, pregnancy wasn't even on our radar and the honest truth is that it took me some time to wrap my head around it. Rene also had difficulty processing this news. But, when it is all said in done, we know the Giver of Life. We know the One that hung the stars, numbers the hairs on our head, and knows the number of our days. We KNOW Him and we TRUST Him. So, as surprised as we were, we could open our hearts and acknowledge that His plan is bigger than we will ever know. And, in the same way He gave us this special life, He also took it away. We STILL trust Him. We know that we don't have to understand the "why's?". He is God and we are not and our lives are His to use as He pleases. Our prayer has been that we will glorify Him through these trials.
2. Every life matters- Pro-LIFESTYLE
2017 was a year that reminded me that being pro-life is so much more than a political stance. Being pro-life means so much more than being anti-abortion. It has to be a lifestyle. Pro-life means pro-foster care, pro-adoption, pro-hospice, pro-pregnancy center, pro-single mom ministry, pro- special needs ministry. Being pro-life means acknowledging your pregnancy and grieving if its lost. It was so interesting for us to walk through the process of our miscarriage. If I had carried one more week, it would have been labeled “still-birth” and a death certificate would have been issued and probably a funeral would have happened, but our pregnancy loss was just a miscarriage. We were faced with questions of wondering what is the protocol for this? What do we do with the baby’s remains? We believe that every life matters, so we weighed heavily the proper way to grieve our loss in a way that our other children would be able to understand. We decided to have a memorial service with just our family. We sat around the living room and shared why were so sad. We read some verses that the Holy Spirit had used to speak to our hearts. Then, we lit some Chinese lanterns and released them in the yard to remember her by and to let her go. This life that only existed 18 weeks, was honored and recognized because every life matters.
3. Priorities have shifted.
When we discovered our baby had serious health issues, our focus immediately shifted. We are so accustomed to giving and doing for others, that often times those in our own home can get left out or neglected. However, the news of Lilly reminded us of priorities. We had to practically weigh our plans and health care options in order to make the correct decisions and we found ourselves willing to walk away from everything for the sake of our child. Why? Because priorities shifted. We are reminded that after our relationship with Jesus, our family is our first ministry. Sometimes, hard decisions have to be made in order to keep those priorities in order. We were bracing ourselves for change....a new baby, possible health issues, the possibility of having to leave the mission field...these were all possibilities for us that we were having to prepare for. In the end, from the outside, nothing has changed. We are still serving internationally, there is no baby, there are no health issues, but WE have changed. We are not the same people we were last year. We hug our other children a little tighter and a little longer. We have had opportunities to weep with other couples who have recently experienced the same kind of loss. We have also rejoiced a little greater with the families that do have new babies to hold and rock. And our hearts have been open to the idea of having another little one in our home. We don't know if the Lord will allow that to come to pass, but our hearts and our home will never be the same again.
