What the enemy meant for evil, He turns it for our good and His glory. It is one thing to read this, and sing this, and it is entirely different to live this.
August 28 marks the year anniversary of the day we died a 1,000 deaths. Our lives were turned upside down in a single decision and our hearts shattered in a million pieces and ministries we loved were immediately placed in the hands of others. For those that know me, I am pretty emotional, but these emotions were new even for me....the depths of despair took on a whole new meaning. As the author Lysa Terkeurst describes it, my heart was not just shattered, but it seemed like dust. There were moments I couldn't breathe and even moments I didn't want to. I found myself in bed, not able to get up for a few weeks. I wasn't sure how to move forward. I will never forget a sweet friend that came to check on me and saw the state of my home and family. She began to message me each day, "Brooke, it's almost lunchtime, what are feeding the kids?" Then, a few hours later, "Brooke, it will be dinner soon, what are you preparing?" It was a simple gesture that meant so much. As did the visits and the meals and messages and the prayers.
This event put us on a pursuit of searching for God's plan for our lives...questions and soul searching followed and seeking Godly counsel. Here is what we have discovered... God isn't finished with us and His calling on our lives hasn't changed. I am still the girl that God spoke to years ago and wrestled with a calling to missionary service overseas. I am still the same girl that quietly surrendered in that time of wrestling to say, "God, I will go. I don't know where You are sending me or what You are asking me to do, but my answer is yes, Lord." I am still the same girl with a heart for education and I still believe with all my heart that it is truly one of the greatest tools to change lives and change a generation. My husband believes greatly in the local church and has a heart for church planting and training leaders. This has not changed. As a couple, we have a huge heart for orphan care and orphan care prevention.
Therefore, I changed my pursuit not to questioning God's calling or my passions, but to seeking restoration. I declared that this is our year of Restoration. Oh, the nuggets of truth He has shown me! Today, I can testify that God does indeed bring beauty from ashes. Here are glimpses of the BEAUTY that He has brought forth:
1. If you have ever been wounded in ministry, you are not alone. It is most heart-wrenching and dreadfully painful when we as believers injure our own. Here is what I can testify...forgiveness is possible. It has been granted to me when I have wounded others and it is certainly possible for me to choose the path of forgiveness and healing for those that have wounded me. I was recommended this podcast: Total Forgiveness by RT Kendall. It meant a lot to me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0ecj9DYS8I . One thing that I was getting so upset over was that I thought I had forgiven, but then I would see a social media post or hear a comment, a rush of hurts would come back. However, in this podcast, Kendall makes a point to share that this is part of our life sentence. It will never go away, so each time the surge of emotions come back, we have to take these names back to the alter again and ask for God's help to forgive them. I have added a few names this past year to the "enemies" prayer list and I make sure that I pray for them as often as I can. When I pray, I truly mean it when I ask for God to bless them.
2. Restoration is not just possible, but essential in order to serve others effectively. It doesn't just happen; it has to be sought after. A really neat nugget of truth that I learned this year is that one of the names of God is Elyashib, which means God Restores. The very name and nature of God is to Restore. "He leads us beside still waters, He restores our soul." August 28, a year ago, God gave me that verse as a promise. I never imagined it would be literal in leading us to still waters, but God has given us a new location to help with the healing. I praise God for that. A new location for us was essential to finding restoration. It would have been too hard to see the same people and places over and over again. He has also given me multiple verses to remind me of the promise of restoration. Besides His word, some other ingredients that have helped to bring about restoration is REST (it's even part of the word RESToration) and these two tools:
3. What the enemy meant to use for division and destruction, God has turned to multiplication and planting. I love those we left behind. I love them so much, it hurts and I would never want to hurt them. There is a school of children back in a certain valley that will forever be etched in my heart. For me, taking steps forward was trying to be ever so cautious not to hurt those we left. I prayed hard for them and asked God to supply their needs. He has been so faithful to do just that. There are beautiful people that He has positioned in His divine plan to love them and continue on the ministry that we invested so many years into. God has just multiplied his workers to send to other places so that others will hear the Good news we are all called to share. Things don't always look the same, but His purpose prevails.
4. Starting over is hard. Transitions are hard. New places are hard. New cultures are hard. These are realities in our situation. Questions have come, doubts have crossed our minds, counseling has been pursued, but God's faithfulness has never waivered. He IS faithful to lead, guide, provide. He IS with us. We have very humble new beginnings, but we are dreaming big dreams again. God is stirring in our hearts exciting new things.
One verse that has become essential to me this year and is now also the prayer for my family is Psalm 90:
O Lord, come back to us!
How long will you delay?
Take pity on your servants!
14 Satisfy us each morning with your unfailing love,
so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives.
15 Give us gladness in proportion to our former misery!
Replace the evil years with good.
16 Let us, your servants, see you work again;
let our children see your glory.
17 And may the Lord our God show us his approval
and make our efforts successful.
Yes, make our efforts successful!
We covet your continous prayers. We NEED your help. The work before us is great and the workers are few. Consider partnering with us in this journey towards making Him known!
