Love that Never Lets Go

We knew it was coming.  We have worked with children in the foster care system and children's homes for over a decade.  Children that have experienced so much pain and difficulty channel their frustrations differently.  Many times, this results in anger outbursts and tantrums of sorts.  We had heard that Sam demonstrated his emotions through such tantrums.  So, last week when we were eating dinner with some new friends, we saw the first breakdown.  It was ugly.  We have analyzed the situation and come up with new ideas of how to respond differently next time, but meanwhile we watched this scenerio play out for over an hour.  Sam said ugly things and threatened to hurt himself.  Then, when he tried to begin to harm himself, Rene physically restrained him.  He laid on the bed and held him for over 20 minutes.  As I sat there and watched, I prayed and I sang and we tried to get him to calm down.

(I hesitate to share the details because I don't want anyone thinking differently of our boy.  He is just a child that has been hurt far more than any of us could ever imagine and certain things trigger memories for him that are unpleasant.  For many adoptive families, these episodes are normal.)

Rene kept telling him over and over again, "When you are ready, I will let go."  Finally, Sam's body went limp and he said, "I am ready."  Then he rolled over and said some very profound words.

"You are the first daddy that has ever held me like that and not let go."

Oh.my.heart!

As I sat there, I thought to myself, "Lord, how many times have I argued with you and tried to do things my way?  You knew that it would be things that would bring me harm, so You held me.  I have fought you so many times."  Oh the joy of surrender and release and the recognition that He is a Good, Good Father and He will never let us go.  What reassurance it is to know that He sees us in our worst moments and He still holds us...He still loves us...He never lets go.  

“Be determined and confident. Do not be afraid of them. Your God, the Lord himself, will be with you. He will not fail you or abandon you.” —Deuteronomy 31:6

1 Corinthians 13 reminds us of what love looks like.  These week I am reminded that love is the most important thing we can share right now.

7 Love bears all things (even the hard days of tantrums), 

believes all things (you are a precious child chosen and set apart), 

hopes all things (that with Jesus, you, son will be healed), 

endures ALL things.

8 Love never ends.

The Beauty of a New Culture

Many times I am quick to complain about things in this culture that I live in.  I know that is part of the culture shock adjustment and realizing differences.  However, today, I wanted to focus a minute on the beauty of this culture that I have made my home in.  The people here have reminded me of the simplicity of life.  This week alone, I have had a single mother who makes very little, cook me dinner and deliver it to my house.  I had a gas station attendant who accidently forgot to return my debit card guard it safely and get it back to me.  I have watched teachers willingly give up their extra time to offer tutoring to struggling students.  I have been reminded that life happens around mealtime and deep conversations and hugs are more important sometimes that writing the policies and posting rules.  I have been reminded of a selfless generosity that far surpasses my own understanding. I have been reminded of a hospitality that doesn't begin to look like Martha Stewart, but has a depthness to it that I cherish and long for.

I am reminded of a work ethic as I look at the 40 year old lady who has the creases in her face of a 70 year old due to the hard labor of surviving.

I am reminded that some people are so desperate for something to drink or eat that they will stand at the stop lights in the city doing tricks

I am reminded of their creativity as I watch them practice dances and put together traditional programs and create bulletin boards from handmade items and not just buy things from a store.

I am in awe of a beautiful culture that I get to embrace and learn from and for living in this country I get to call "home".

Our Adoption Story

"Mommy, Daddy, will you give me one more hug?"

"Will I have a new name?"

"Why, Mommy, do we have to do it this way?"

"You're the first daddy that has ever held me this way and hasn't let go."

These are a few of the phrases we have heard in this first week with our newly adopted son, Samuel.  For those that pray for us regularly and support us financially, we have had questions as to how quickly this adoption has come about.  Let us assure you, it has been quick for us too!  About a year ago, Rene and I began to consider the idea of growing our family through adoption.  We quickly decided that we would not adopt from Honduras because we have personally witnessed too many failed adoptions due to government restrictions and not being an "adoption friendly" country.  So, we went and asked questions at an adoption agency when we were home in the states last fall.  We asked questions like...
- Being faith based missionaries, are we even eligible to be adoptive parents?
- Is it a smart idea to bring an adopted child into our lifestyle of serving in another country and travelling to speak often?

The agency assured us that our situation, though unique, did not disqualify us from adopting.  We looked at the different countries that this agency represented.  Rene was immediately drawn to China since we had hosted many students from this country before in our home.  However, it was the one country that we did not meet all of the financial eligibility requirements for.  So, we decided to take a year to pray about it.  We never filled out an application or applied for a home study.  We decided to just pray.  Meanwhile, we received this agency's newsletters via email.  About four weeks ago, an email about this 10 year old Chinese boy filled our inbox.  There was something about his picture that captivated us.  He had been adopted from China, but it was not working out with his adoptive family.  So, they were seeking to find another family that would consider a "domestic" adoption.  We met the criteria for such an adoption!  So, we called.  Within a day, we were having a phone conference interview with the original family and they approved us.  Here we are, four weeks later, calling a new 10 year old Chinese boy named Samuel, ours.  He was a boy found abandoned on the streets of China at age 6 and was placed in an orphanage.  He was found without anything...no birth certificate, no belongings.  He was renamed by the orphanage that took him in and documentation was created for him.  He was placed in foster homes and then put on an adoption list.  He was adopted and then placed on a list again.  He is ours!  We aren't letting go.  He assumes our last name and now becomes one of our heirs.

This week as we have spent many firsts with him, I have watched intently and I have heard the Spirit whisper to my heart multiple times.  Adoption is such a tangible example of redemption and what Jesus does for us.  Jesus finds us, chooses us as his children.  Often times we have to go through extraordinary measures in order for us to be receptive to the arms of a Loving Father.  We have spent this week teaching Samuel about our family, showing him pictures of his heritage, and demonstrating to him love that surpasses any behavior.  Oh, thank you Jesus for being so intentional with me and for providing a book that teaches me about Your heart and tells me who You are!  I think I will start a book for Samuel (in my spare time, ha!)  Meanwhile, we relish in these moments of meeting our child whom God has blessed us with.  We begin the process of revealing expectations and family rules and guidelines that we feel are best.  We take time to answer the "Whys?" as best as we can.  We talk openly about a new family and a new name and most importantly, we are working hard to reassure him of our unconditional love.

Once the papers are finalized, Samuel will be joining us in our ministries in Honduras.  Meanwhile, Rene and I are doing our best to juggle responsibilities there and here.   Please continue to pray for us during this transition.

The whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. (Romans 8:22-23)