Love that Never Lets Go

We knew it was coming.  We have worked with children in the foster care system and children's homes for over a decade.  Children that have experienced so much pain and difficulty channel their frustrations differently.  Many times, this results in anger outbursts and tantrums of sorts.  We had heard that Sam demonstrated his emotions through such tantrums.  So, last week when we were eating dinner with some new friends, we saw the first breakdown.  It was ugly.  We have analyzed the situation and come up with new ideas of how to respond differently next time, but meanwhile we watched this scenerio play out for over an hour.  Sam said ugly things and threatened to hurt himself.  Then, when he tried to begin to harm himself, Rene physically restrained him.  He laid on the bed and held him for over 20 minutes.  As I sat there and watched, I prayed and I sang and we tried to get him to calm down.

(I hesitate to share the details because I don't want anyone thinking differently of our boy.  He is just a child that has been hurt far more than any of us could ever imagine and certain things trigger memories for him that are unpleasant.  For many adoptive families, these episodes are normal.)

Rene kept telling him over and over again, "When you are ready, I will let go."  Finally, Sam's body went limp and he said, "I am ready."  Then he rolled over and said some very profound words.

"You are the first daddy that has ever held me like that and not let go."

Oh.my.heart!

As I sat there, I thought to myself, "Lord, how many times have I argued with you and tried to do things my way?  You knew that it would be things that would bring me harm, so You held me.  I have fought you so many times."  Oh the joy of surrender and release and the recognition that He is a Good, Good Father and He will never let us go.  What reassurance it is to know that He sees us in our worst moments and He still holds us...He still loves us...He never lets go.  

“Be determined and confident. Do not be afraid of them. Your God, the Lord himself, will be with you. He will not fail you or abandon you.” —Deuteronomy 31:6

1 Corinthians 13 reminds us of what love looks like.  These week I am reminded that love is the most important thing we can share right now.

7 Love bears all things (even the hard days of tantrums), 

believes all things (you are a precious child chosen and set apart), 

hopes all things (that with Jesus, you, son will be healed), 

endures ALL things.

8 Love never ends.

The Beauty of a New Culture

Many times I am quick to complain about things in this culture that I live in.  I know that is part of the culture shock adjustment and realizing differences.  However, today, I wanted to focus a minute on the beauty of this culture that I have made my home in.  The people here have reminded me of the simplicity of life.  This week alone, I have had a single mother who makes very little, cook me dinner and deliver it to my house.  I had a gas station attendant who accidently forgot to return my debit card guard it safely and get it back to me.  I have watched teachers willingly give up their extra time to offer tutoring to struggling students.  I have been reminded that life happens around mealtime and deep conversations and hugs are more important sometimes that writing the policies and posting rules.  I have been reminded of a selfless generosity that far surpasses my own understanding. I have been reminded of a hospitality that doesn't begin to look like Martha Stewart, but has a depthness to it that I cherish and long for.

I am reminded of a work ethic as I look at the 40 year old lady who has the creases in her face of a 70 year old due to the hard labor of surviving.

I am reminded that some people are so desperate for something to drink or eat that they will stand at the stop lights in the city doing tricks

I am reminded of their creativity as I watch them practice dances and put together traditional programs and create bulletin boards from handmade items and not just buy things from a store.

I am in awe of a beautiful culture that I get to embrace and learn from and for living in this country I get to call "home".

Our Adoption Story

"Mommy, Daddy, will you give me one more hug?"

"Will I have a new name?"

"Why, Mommy, do we have to do it this way?"

"You're the first daddy that has ever held me this way and hasn't let go."

These are a few of the phrases we have heard in this first week with our newly adopted son, Samuel.  For those that pray for us regularly and support us financially, we have had questions as to how quickly this adoption has come about.  Let us assure you, it has been quick for us too!  About a year ago, Rene and I began to consider the idea of growing our family through adoption.  We quickly decided that we would not adopt from Honduras because we have personally witnessed too many failed adoptions due to government restrictions and not being an "adoption friendly" country.  So, we went and asked questions at an adoption agency when we were home in the states last fall.  We asked questions like...
- Being faith based missionaries, are we even eligible to be adoptive parents?
- Is it a smart idea to bring an adopted child into our lifestyle of serving in another country and travelling to speak often?

The agency assured us that our situation, though unique, did not disqualify us from adopting.  We looked at the different countries that this agency represented.  Rene was immediately drawn to China since we had hosted many students from this country before in our home.  However, it was the one country that we did not meet all of the financial eligibility requirements for.  So, we decided to take a year to pray about it.  We never filled out an application or applied for a home study.  We decided to just pray.  Meanwhile, we received this agency's newsletters via email.  About four weeks ago, an email about this 10 year old Chinese boy filled our inbox.  There was something about his picture that captivated us.  He had been adopted from China, but it was not working out with his adoptive family.  So, they were seeking to find another family that would consider a "domestic" adoption.  We met the criteria for such an adoption!  So, we called.  Within a day, we were having a phone conference interview with the original family and they approved us.  Here we are, four weeks later, calling a new 10 year old Chinese boy named Samuel, ours.  He was a boy found abandoned on the streets of China at age 6 and was placed in an orphanage.  He was found without anything...no birth certificate, no belongings.  He was renamed by the orphanage that took him in and documentation was created for him.  He was placed in foster homes and then put on an adoption list.  He was adopted and then placed on a list again.  He is ours!  We aren't letting go.  He assumes our last name and now becomes one of our heirs.

This week as we have spent many firsts with him, I have watched intently and I have heard the Spirit whisper to my heart multiple times.  Adoption is such a tangible example of redemption and what Jesus does for us.  Jesus finds us, chooses us as his children.  Often times we have to go through extraordinary measures in order for us to be receptive to the arms of a Loving Father.  We have spent this week teaching Samuel about our family, showing him pictures of his heritage, and demonstrating to him love that surpasses any behavior.  Oh, thank you Jesus for being so intentional with me and for providing a book that teaches me about Your heart and tells me who You are!  I think I will start a book for Samuel (in my spare time, ha!)  Meanwhile, we relish in these moments of meeting our child whom God has blessed us with.  We begin the process of revealing expectations and family rules and guidelines that we feel are best.  We take time to answer the "Whys?" as best as we can.  We talk openly about a new family and a new name and most importantly, we are working hard to reassure him of our unconditional love.

Once the papers are finalized, Samuel will be joining us in our ministries in Honduras.  Meanwhile, Rene and I are doing our best to juggle responsibilities there and here.   Please continue to pray for us during this transition.

The whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. (Romans 8:22-23)

Life in Honduras

Wow! Its been way to long since I have blogged.  In fact, so much has happened in the last three years.  Our family returned to serve in Honduras.  We cycled through the culture shock stages yet again.  We are now "reintegrated" and enjoying serving Jesus.

My husband serves with bringing teams from the states and introducing them to serving here in Honduras.  We are so humbled week after week that we have the opportunity to meet so many servants of Jesus.  Rene also serves as co-director of the Bible Institute where native leaders and pastors are trained to continue on in the discipleship area of these teams.  Its fascinating work to watch the body of Christ come together to fulfill the Great Commission.

I have been serving as the LEAD teacher coordinator at Good Shepherd Christian Academy.  GSCA is a school located inside of the property of our children's home here in Honduras.  We decided a couple of years ago to try to convert our school to be bilingual.  So, we began the search for LEAD teachers, which are volunteer teachers that come from the states to teach our children here.  I have witnessed God's faithfulness year after year.  He has provided just who we needed at just the right times.  I love watching these kids grow in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man. I also love to help these teachers transition into the country and school.  It is such a joy for me to share with them from experience how to help cycle through culture shock.  I also try to do my part in loving on them and providing time for Bible study and a meal each week.

These guys pour themselves out for the sake of our children (mine included).  It is so beautiful to watch relationships form that I know will last a lifetime.  I also get the privilege of watching how God is using this experience for teachers as the stepping stone for what is next.  Three of the LEAD teachers have decided to take a next step with BMDMI to become full-time.  I praise Jesus for this program and ministry.  I believe that education is the key to break generational poverty. I believe that through our small efforts and service today, that a generation is being changed.  My prayer is that through this education, they would also come to know Jesus, the Author of their faith.  

Return Anxiety and Non-Elation!

I am finally getting around to posting this blog. I wrote it while sitting in the airport in Honduras our last few moments. It’s not perfect and I know that I should revise it, but this shows me right where I am. I can’t wait to continue to post updates of our life journey as the Creator of the Universe orders our steps!

I have just completed what may have been one of the most difficult weeks of my life so far. We packed our things and said goodbye to our friends and family in Honduras…for now. I can’t even begin to describe the surge of emotions we have experienced: pain, joy, heartbreak, fear, and fulfillment are just a few.

It hurt. Literally. My heart hurt to have to leave. These are people we love, people we have poured our hearts and lives into. Several important circumstances have led my husband to this decision. From legal paperwork to maintain his residency to lack of funding to return, the decision to return to the states was inevitable, but that didn’t make it easy. We cried lots! I know that the book of psalms tells us that God collects each of our tears in a bottle and I know that this week, we’ve filled a few for Him to store. However, I wanted to share with you that even in the midst of one of the most difficult times, His presence was with us! I saw Him all around us! He encouraged us as He allowed us to see fruit of our five and half years as missionaries in the country. I saw him as He spoke through our Honduran friends. These last days have been busy packing and cleaning and selling things and receiving people and hearing their stories. Dozens of people and families came to share how God has used us to touch their lives in some way or another. It was overwhelming! It was overwhelming because I know that it was nothing good out of us, but that the Lord simply used us, as imperfect as they come, to touch them in various ways. Our hearts were filled with joy this last Sunday morning as our church was filled to capacity and His people worshiped Him. I saw the Lord’s presence as He provided legal paperwork for mom and dad’s girls and an interview date for my sister-in-law at the embassy. I saw the Lord’s presence as the people of the church grieved our leaving but were so willing to embrace their new pastor and vowed their support to continue to grow Transformacion. I felt the Lord’s presence as He changed my attitude from one of anger and bitterness to a heart of gratitude for the time He has given us in Honduras.

We have been scared. We don’t have paying jobs yet back in the states nor do we have a house to live in yet. Fear has paralyzed me at times. Maybe I shouldn’t have these kind of emotions, but I have. I can’t say that I’ve been super-spiritual, trusting the Lord each step, but rather the opposite. Clinging on to Him for dear life is more like it.I have had to say, “Lord, I don’t understand. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I am choosing to trust You even when I can’t see.” Walking by faith and not by sight is easier said and written than it is lived.

“The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He restores my soul. And yeah, tho I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for HE is withme. His rod and His staff, they comfort me.”

No, this was not a physical death, but it has been a death to our own desires. We are grieving, but we also know that with every death comes a resurrection and that joy comes in the morning! We anticipate this time. I would be lying if I said that I haven’t worried. I have worried about many things and yet after taking time to list those things to the Lord, He allowed me to see His hand in each one. Isn’t it just like the Lord to show up in our darkest valley? Why do I ever doubt Him? Why do I ever fear? He continues to prove to me over and over again that He is trustworthy and faithful! So, the Author and Perfector of our faith has completed writing another chapter in our lives. Now, a new chapter begins and I am not even about to try to figure out what it is He wants to write, but I know that there will be more than we could have ever thought or imagined!

Thank you for sending us to Honduras! One day you will come face to face with your eternal rewards, of this we are certain! Please continue to pray for us as we take one step of faith at a time.

Original post can be seen at:  pizzati.blogspot.com

Return Shock!

Re-Culturization

I know that I grew up in this country. American principles and ideals are ingrained in me. However, living outside of the U.S. for five and half years has changed me. I'm still trying to process "how" but I know for certain that I am not the same person I was before we left the U.S. We didn't just "live" outside of the U.S., but rather I sought to embrace a different culture and lifestyle. I studied them and adapted many things accordingly. I saw poverty sights that most Americans only see on TV and I saw them so often that I must confess that I may have even become immune to them at times. So, how does one go from living in a culture where relationships were more important than meetings, where having clothes were more important than the style you wore, where eating three meals a day was a luxury not a necessity, and where punctuality was irrelevant, adjust back to the American culture?

I must confess, it is taking time.

So, we were only gone five and half years. Can things really change that much? You bet they can! Streets here in Greenville look different. Landmarks I once used to get around with have changed with new restaurants and businesses. New electronic devices have blown me away! Many seem foreign to me, but slowly I am making myself learn to use them. I am amazed at the functions of the DVR, Netflix, and the nook. I love having an automatic dishwasher and was fascinated to learn what could go down the drain for the garbage disposal. However, inspite of all these things, by far the greatest change has been me! I am learning not to take things for granted such as more than one pair of shoes in my closet, plates to eat on, heat in the house, beds to sleep on, walls around us to block the wind, toys for my kids to play with, etc.

I find myself enjoying "things to do" but also finding it hard to make decisions. There seem to be so many options here! For example, in our town in Honduras we had two grocery stores and you simply went to the one that you lived closest to. There was one place to buy vegetables, another for meat, etc. Inside our grocery store, there was basically one brand of everything we wanted. Here, it is taking me forever to decide which grocery store to go to. I am using coupons to help me narrow this option down, but nonetheless, more than one store has sales and is in a convenient location. Then, when I get inside of the store, there isn't just one brand of soup, there are several and within each branded label, there are multiple varieties. Options and choices. From restaurants to feminine products, this is a land of variety. And right now, the variety overwhelms me.

The other morning, I drove into a gas station, pulled up at the pump, and just sat there. I'm not exactly sure how long it took me to realize that someone was not coming to pump my gas. In Honduras, this was a way to provide jobs for people, but here it is "self-serve". So, in the freezing cold, I climbed out my car and mashed all the right buttons and pumped my own gas. I know it seems silly, but after going for so long not having to do this, I felt a little intimidated.

Also, there are still times that I look at a price in a store and begin calculating it to lempiras because that became second nature to me. I still find myself seeing someone with "darker skin" and begin speaking in Spanish to them. I find myself cringing as I see some of the scraps people here put into the garbage disposal. I have to stop myself from not grabbing everything out people's garbage cans to save for someone who might could use it such as empty milk cartons and plastic containers. I still look under my sink for the gallon of bleach to use for my vegetables, and I'm still amazed that the water in the faucet comes out so clear! I LOVE the luxury of simply rinsing a tomato to use and eat. I still find myself staring at unused candles in peoples homes, b/c each of mine had burned to the end on the nights we had no electricity.

So, I have been asking people to "re-culturize" me: to teach me the way things are done here, the way people eat, and the way people dress. Just as I adapted to Honduran culture in order to share Christ with them, my desire has been to re-adapt to this culture in order to share Christ here. However, I don't want to fall into the trap of materialism. I don't want to forget the lessons I have learned. I want to be in the world but not of the world. I think that's what we're commanded to do anyways. I remember my husband teaching guys in Honduras, "I'm not here to teach you an American culture or a Honduran culture, I'm here to teach you a Biblical culture." This is my prayer.... may I adapt where I need to, but Lord help me to be a walking example of what a "Jesus Culture" should look like.

This post can be viewed on my original blog setting:  pizzati.blogspot.com

Culture Shock in Marriage

My husband calls this picture, "We are the World."  He still thinks I married him to help do my part to promote world peace.  LOL.  Seriously, he is from Honduras, Central America and I am from Moncks Corner, SC.  He's from a city and I'm from the country.  His native language is Spanish and mine is English.  We both attended North Greenville College and we were introduced to one another by my twin brothers.  They were just freshman and I was a senior.  They decided to invite all the international students home with them during Fall break because the campus closed and most internationals had nowhere to go.  My future husband just happened to be in the group:)  We met over that weekend and the rest is whirlwind history!

Its funny that when we met, I thought, "He's a great guy.  He loves the Lord, but it would NEVER work between us."  When a couple of my girl friends questioned my reasons, I responded with the excuses, "Well, he's not an American citizen and he's shorter than me."  I admit that they were not very legitimate excuses:)  My brother's girlfriend at the time put a sticky note on my door while I was out one day.  It said, "Do not consider his appearance, nor HIS HEIGHT, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."  1 Samuel 16:7  This verse combined with a few intense conversations with one another revealed he was the ONE for me and what was in his heart was far greater than my excuses.  My husband shared with me his desire to return to his country to serve the Lord there, so I knew that when we said, "I do" at the altar that I wasn't just saying yes to a lifelong mate, but also to a life of missionary service overseas.

I think it is important to insert here that my husband spoke English.  It wasn't his first language and we certainly have had a few laughs over the years with some misunderstandings, but we could communicate.  I think that communication is one of the keys to any successful marriage.  So, talk we did, and continue to do.  I also think that every marriage is the combining of two cultures.  Everyone is raised with their own traditions and disciplines and it takes communication and work to develop your own.  We knew that our marriage would be uniting two countries and two families as well.  We knew that it would take some extra work to overcome some differences.  So, maybe, we even conversed a little more than most couples do because we wanted to make sure we were preparing ourselves for a lifetime of unity between these cultures. Over the years, it has been so much fun to create our own traditions and customs.  However, there have been a few topics that it have become very apparent that we were raised cross-culturally and thus has created some CULTURE SHOCK!

1.  Raising Kids
2.  Holidays
3.  Family

In each of these topics, we have blended our cultures to create our own unique traditions and customs that what makes us known as the Pizzati Family.