The Balancing Act

I posted recently that we could be raising the next Karate Kid.  I was half-joking.  Sam is amazing at balancing.  He also gets in this Karate Kid position with the most concentrated look on his face, zoned in and ready to accomplish anything.  I wish I could balance things so easily.

These last few weeks I have found my heart so divided and my mind so unfocused.  I know this is partly due to stress and new transitions and trying to make sure each of my kids get individualized attention.  How to balance discipline and yet tolerate new behaviors?  How do you balance the one son who feels displaced and the other son who wants acceptance?  Combine that with financial stress of "how are we going to pay that attorney", homeschooling, fundraising for and missing our ministries in Honduras and it has been the perfect storm to be unbalanced.

However, I believe that the Psalmist knew that a divided heart accomplishes nothing.

11Teach me your way, Lord,

that I may rely on your faithfulness;

give me an undivided heart,

that I may fear your name. (Psalm 86)

So, many mornings and late nights, I have prayed this same prayer.  Lord, teach me YOUR ways.  I have seen and can testify of YOUR faithfulness in our lives over and over again. Help me to trust that this is YOUR way, YOUR very nature.  YOU remain faithful, even when I am unfaithful.   Give me an UNDIVIDED heart.  Help me to find that peaceful balance.  LEAD me beside still waters as YOU restore my soul.  Help me to fear YOUR name.  The prayer, the cry says, "Teach me..."  Like any Good Teacher, my Father has us learning this in a hands-on manner.  He's giving me wisdom from others and surrounded us with a group of supporters to encourage us forward.  He's teaching me each day through new trials and repeating some that I need to be reminded of.  

One of my favorite songs is Grace by Laura's Story.  The first verse sums up my life right now.  

My heart is so proud. My mind is so unfocused.

I see the things You do through me as great things I have done.

And now You gently break me, then lovingly You take me

And hold me as my father and mold me as my maker. 

[Chorus:]
I ask you: "How many times will you pick me up,
When I keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory,
How far will forgiveness abound? "
And You answer: " My child, I love you.
And as long as you're seeking My face,
You'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace. "

We are so far from perfecting this "parenting an older adopted child" thing.  However, I can testify that God's grace is sufficient for each day.  Tomorrow, I leave behind my sweet family to return to ministries in Honduras for a couple of weeks.  Its part of the juggling act right now. 

 I am trusting that as I board that plane, His Grace will be sufficient.  

Photo Credits go to Anna Johnson