Beauty from Ashes

This week, I am teaching the story of Joseph for Bible class.  Genesis 50:20 is our verse to memorize:  "But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive."

What the enemy meant for evil, He turns it for our good and His glory.  It is one thing to read this, and sing this, and it is entirely different to live this.

August 28 marks the year anniversary of the day we died a 1,000 deaths.  Our lives were turned upside down in a single decision and our hearts shattered in a million pieces and ministries we loved were immediately placed in the hands of others.  For those that know me, I am pretty emotional, but these emotions were new even for me....the depths of despair took on a whole new meaning.  As the author Lysa Terkeurst describes it, my heart was not just shattered, but it seemed like dust.  There were moments I couldn't breathe and even moments I didn't want to.  I found myself in bed, not able to get up for a few weeks.  I wasn't sure how to move forward.  I will never forget a sweet friend that came to check on me and saw the state of my home and family.  She began to message me each day, "Brooke, it's almost lunchtime, what are feeding the kids?" Then, a few hours later, "Brooke, it will be dinner soon, what are you preparing?"  It was a simple gesture that meant so much.  As did the visits and the meals and messages and the prayers.

This event put us on a pursuit of searching for God's plan for our lives...questions and soul searching followed and seeking Godly counsel.  Here is what we have discovered...  God isn't finished with us and His calling on our lives hasn't changed.  I am still the girl that God spoke to years ago and wrestled with a calling to missionary service overseas.  I am still the same girl that quietly surrendered in that time of wrestling to say, "God, I will go.  I don't know where You are sending me or what You are asking me to do, but my answer is yes, Lord."  I am still the same girl with a heart for education and I still believe with all my heart that it is truly one of the greatest tools to change lives and change a generation.  My husband believes greatly in the local church and has a heart for church planting and training leaders.  This has not changed.  As a couple, we have a huge heart for orphan care and orphan care prevention.

Therefore, I changed my pursuit not to questioning God's calling or my passions, but to seeking restoration.  I declared that this is our year of Restoration.  Oh, the nuggets of truth He has shown me!  Today, I can testify that God does indeed bring beauty from ashes.  Here are glimpses of the BEAUTY that He has brought forth:

1. If you have ever been wounded in ministry, you are not alone.  It is most heart-wrenching and dreadfully painful when we as believers injure our own.  Here is what I can testify...forgiveness is possible.  It has been granted to me when I have wounded others and it is certainly possible for me to choose the path of forgiveness and healing for those that have wounded me.  I was recommended this podcast:  Total Forgiveness by RT Kendall.  It meant a lot to me.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0ecj9DYS8I . One thing that I was getting so upset over was that I thought I had forgiven, but then I would see a social media post or hear a comment, a rush of hurts would come back.  However, in this podcast, Kendall makes a point to share that this is part of our life sentence.  It will never go away, so each time the surge of emotions come back, we have to take these names back to the alter again and ask for God's help to forgive them.  I have added a few names this past year to the "enemies" prayer list and I make sure that I pray for them as often as I can.  When I pray, I truly mean it when I ask for God to bless them.

2.  Restoration is not just possible, but essential in order to serve others effectively.  It doesn't just happen; it has to be sought after.  A really neat nugget of truth that I learned this year is that one of the names of God is Elyashib, which means God Restores.  The very name and nature of God is to Restore.  "He leads us beside still waters, He restores our soul."  August 28, a year ago, God gave me that verse as a promise.  I never imagined it would be literal in leading us to still waters, but God has given us a new location to help with the healing.  I praise God for that.  A new location for us was essential to finding restoration.  It would have been too hard to see the same people and places over and over again.  He has also given me multiple verses to remind me of the promise of restoration.  Besides His word, some other ingredients that have helped to bring about restoration is REST (it's even part of the word RESToration) and these two tools:

3.  What the enemy meant to use for division and destruction, God has turned to multiplication and planting.  I love those we left behind.  I love them so much, it hurts and I would never want to hurt them.  There is a school of children back in a certain valley that will forever be etched in my heart.  For me, taking steps forward was trying to be ever so cautious not to hurt those we left.  I prayed hard for them and asked God to supply their needs.  He has been so faithful to do just that.  There are beautiful people that He has positioned in His divine plan to love them and continue on the ministry that we invested so many years into.  God has just multiplied his workers to send to other places so that others will hear the Good news we are all called to share.  Things don't always look the same, but His purpose prevails.

4.  Starting over is hard.  Transitions are hard.  New places are hard.  New cultures are hard.  These are realities in our situation.  Questions have come, doubts have crossed our minds, counseling has been pursued, but God's faithfulness has never waivered.  He IS faithful to lead, guide, provide.  He IS with us.  We have very humble new beginnings, but we are dreaming big dreams again.  God is stirring in our hearts exciting new things.

One verse that has become essential to me this year and is now also the prayer for my family is Psalm 90:

O Lord, come back to us!
    How long will you delay?
    Take pity on your servants!
14 Satisfy us each morning with your unfailing love,
    so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives.
15 Give us gladness in proportion to our former misery!
    Replace the evil years with good.
16 Let us, your servants, see you work again;
    let our children see your glory.
17 And may the Lord our God show us his approval
    and make our efforts successful.
    Yes, make our efforts successful!

We covet your continous prayers.  We NEED your help.  The work before us is great and the workers are few.  Consider partnering with us in this journey towards making Him known!

Even Though...

It's been a while since I have written.  Our lives have been consumed with transitions and new steps forward for our family.   This past week, we decided to look through some "Dealing with Transition" information that we were gifted with.  One of those documents was to score yourself on events that have happened in the last year and the total number marks your stress indicator.  For us, our score was 10 times the "normal" rate.  Events such as miscarriage, change in work status, change in residence, foster daughter leaving home, change in school situation, change in religious activities, personal injury, change in living conditions, change in financial status, and change in social activities were just a few of the high ranking events that caused our numbers to soar.  It's no wonder our transition has been far from easy.

"Even though I walk through the deep dark valley, I will fear no evil for YOU are WITH me..."  Psalm 23:4

There is much I want to share about the sweet, special moments we have sensed His presence in the middle of the swirling chaos.  He is so faithful.   However, for today, I just want to testify that His grace is sufficient.  He has sustained us and carried us.  He has continued to provide for our every need.  We cannot help but to praise Him in the midst of the storm.  Based on Psalm 23:4, we walk FEARLESS of evil and heartache because His presence is our reward.

Transitions are hard.  Saying goodbyes are hard.  Adapting to new cultures is hard.  Testifying of Jesus is NOT hard.  We wouldn't have made it without Him!

Empty Arms and Unveiled Truth

Those that have followed my blog for the last year know that our family walked through some difficult times.  One of those was a surprise pregnancy and second trimester miscarriage.  Walking through that left us scratching our heads many times, but trusting that God was doing something we couldn't see.  After taking time to grieve our loss, I couldn't help but think that God was preparing us for something else.  I even shared with a friend that I was excited to see what the next plans would be that God was to reveal to us.

So, fast forward to around the time of when my due date was supposed to be...our children's home received a precious little one who had been in a severely abusive situation.  She was under two years old and had already physically endured so much, not to mention her emotional state of being.  The department of social services here actually wanted her in the care of a family to assist with her healing.  Rene and I stepped forward to volunteer.  I just knew we were supposed to be a part of her healing.  Little did I know that God would use her for our healing too.  She has brought so much joy to our home.  Sure, there have been sleepless nights, but the smiles and laughter make it so worth it.

Today marks one year since I entered the hospital with life in my womb and walked out with empty arms.  Interesting enough, I found myself back at the same hospital today, on the same floor, accompanying a friend for her appointment.  I took time to remember...
I remember sitting in a wheelchair at the entrance/exit door last year while Rene went to get the car.  I remember my heart aching as I watched moms with babies and little ones entering those doors while mine were left so eerily empty.  It seemed so unfair, yet, I decided to trust.  I made the conscious decision to trust the One who sees all and loves us.  In contrast, today, I walked out the doors laughing and talking with two special friends.  Time and the Holy Spirit really do have a way of healing our hearts.  I also recognize that today, I left those same doors with my heart full of things that I didn't have a year ago....new revelations of my Savior and sweet memories with our sweet little foster daughter.

This year, we face new difficulties and circumstances.  The ministries that we have invested our lives into were taken away from us....this is a new set of empty arms that we have never experienced before.  The pain has been great.  The struggle real.  We miss the people so much.  I watch the others that still have the privilege of serving in the ministries and I feel the aching of my own heart, wishing I could join them.  Yet, I choose to trust Him and His sovereignty.  I can't help but to believe that He is preparing the way for the next area of service.  I choose to believe that in time, I will look back and realize that I have new revelations of my Savior and sweet new memories of ministry.

Also in this same season, we find ourselves having to lay this sweet little girl back at the Savior's feet, trusting that His divine plan is perfect for her.  Right now, it seems that circumstances for her will change and our hearts will grieve again, but we trust....We know He is working all things together for good and His glory.

In this season of our lives, this is our testimony:

There is strength within the sorrow
There is beauty in our tears
And You meet us in our mourning
With a love that casts out fear
You are working in our waiting
You're sanctifying us
When beyond our understanding
You're teaching us to trust
Your plans are still to prosper
You have not forgotten us
You're with us in the fire and the flood
You're faithful forever
Perfect in love
You are sovereign over us

God Has a Special Plan for Them too!

Last week, I got to witness the culmination of a very difficult journey of adoption.  This family has been faith fighting to make this precious girl their daughter for over seven years!  By far, this has been the longest adoption process I have witnessed.  Without going into details of a story that is not mine to tell, this country just doesn't make adoptions easy.  The odds are truly stacked against anyone who desires to pursue one here.  So, it was pure relief and joy to witness this one's status change from orphan to daughter.  I posted their picture on social media and wrote the caption above.

"An example of relentless love, of continual pursuit when all odds were against them.  I am inspired by their faith and rejoice in this act of redemption.  Happy adoption signing day, Lluvia!  God has great plans for you."

Ever since I posted that, I have fought an internal battle of sorts.
I am an adoptive mom.  I don't believe there is any action that more tangibly represents the Gospel of Jesus than the act of adoption.  It is beautiful.  It is a true act of redemption.  I am ecstatic that this family gets to experience that!  I am overjoyed that this child will now have a forever family and I do believe that God has great plans for her.  After all, a family environment is always best.

However, I couldn't help but think about the other children that live in our children's home.  The many children that will never have the opportunity for adoption.  Does God have great plans for them too?  Their lives will never look so Cinderalla-like.  They won't have the person to call mom or dad.  They won't get to drive out those gates to a new home and a new life.  For many different reasons, they will be stuck in the children's home they have been placed in.  Yet, I DO believe that God has GREAT plans for them too.

I am reminded that even when the fairy-tale ending doesn't happen, God is still good and He is in the business of bringing Himself glory.  I am reminded that He is writing the stories for each of the littles that live in the home.  I am reminded that His story is still good and it is part of a greater and bigger story. Even when disappointment comes and expectations are not met, it is the process of knowing Him that is most important.  That is the purpose of Good Shepherd Children's Home- to provide a safe and loving home to those that have been abused, abandoned, and neglected and through that process to point them to Jesus.  That is the purpose of Good Shepherd Christian Academy- to provide a high quality, Christ-centered education that is equipping them for a bright future.

There is an amazing team of North American missionaries and Honduran staff members that are working hard to ensure that we are giving the best possible childhood to those that will never know another place to call home.  We tackle this endeavor from many different fronts including a home environment that includes good meals, safe homes, family atmosphere (Good Shepherd Children's Home), education (Good Shepherd Christian Academy),  and spirituality (Valley Church).

I want to invite you to join our efforts through your prayers and finances to help us say to those kids that God has a special plan for them too.

Check out the websites below:

www.gsch.bmdmi.org
www.gscaedu.org

Lessons from Lilly Jane

As our oldest daughter’s birthday nears this week, I am painfully aware that this would also have been the due date of our youngest daughter, Lilly Jane.  Perhaps, Owen’s note to her says it best, “One heart beat has changed mine forever.”  Although we will never fully understand, we did and have asked God to help us not miss the lessons he wanted to teach us through this event in our lives.  So, here are a few lessons from Lilly Jane:

1. We trust Jesus.  

We were surprised by our pregnancy.  Since birth control was in place, pregnancy wasn't even on our radar and the honest truth is that it took me some time to wrap my head around it.  Rene also had difficulty processing this news.  But, when it is all said in done, we know the Giver of Life.  We know the One that hung the stars, numbers the hairs on our head, and knows the number of our days.  We KNOW Him and we TRUST Him.  So, as surprised as we were, we could open our hearts and acknowledge that His plan is bigger than we will ever know.  And, in the same way He gave us this special life, He also took it away.  We STILL trust Him.  We know that we don't have to understand the "why's?".  He is God and we are not and our lives are His to use as He pleases.  Our prayer has been that we will glorify Him through these trials.

          2. Every life matters- Pro-LIFESTYLE 

2017 was a year that reminded me that being pro-life is so much more than a political stance.   Being pro-life means so much more than being anti-abortion.  It has to be a lifestyle.  Pro-life means pro-foster care, pro-adoption, pro-hospice, pro-pregnancy center, pro-single mom ministry, pro- special needs ministry.  Being pro-life means acknowledging your pregnancy and grieving if its lost.   It was so interesting for us to walk through the process of our miscarriage.  If I had carried one more week, it would have been labeled “still-birth” and a death certificate would have been issued and probably a funeral would have happened, but our pregnancy loss was just a miscarriage.  We were faced with questions of wondering what is the protocol for this?  What do we do with the baby’s remains?  We believe that every life matters, so we weighed heavily the proper way to grieve our loss in a way that our other children would be able to understand.  We decided to have a memorial service with just our family.  We sat around the living room and shared why were so sad.  We read some verses that the Holy Spirit had used to speak to our hearts.  Then, we lit some Chinese lanterns and released them in the yard to remember her by and to let her go.   This life that only existed 18 weeks, was honored and recognized because every life matters.

           3.  Priorities have shifted.

When we discovered our baby had serious health issues, our focus immediately shifted.  We are so accustomed to giving and doing for others, that often times those in our own home can get left out or neglected.  However, the news of Lilly reminded us of priorities.  We had to practically weigh our plans and health care options in order to make the correct decisions and we found ourselves willing to walk away from everything for the sake of our child.  Why?  Because priorities shifted.  We are reminded that after our relationship with Jesus, our family is our first ministry.  Sometimes, hard decisions have to be made in order to keep those priorities in order.  We were bracing ourselves for change....a new baby, possible health issues, the possibility of having to leave the mission field...these were all possibilities for us that we were having to prepare for.  In the end, from the outside, nothing has changed.  We are still serving internationally, there is no baby, there are no health issues, but WE have changed.  We are not the same people we were last year.  We hug our other children a little tighter and a little longer.  We have had opportunities to weep with other couples who have recently experienced the same kind of loss.  We have also rejoiced a little greater with the families that do have new babies to hold and rock.  And our hearts have been open to the idea of having another little one in our home.  We don't know if the Lord will allow that to come to pass, but our hearts and our home will never be the same again.

Birth and Burial

"He Gives and He takes away;  Blessed be His name"

Today was our ultrasound that we have been waiting a month for, and we received news that we didn't want to hear.  Our baby suffered fetal hydrops and her heart stopped beating.  I have been induced for labor and am waiting to deliver our little one.  For seventeen weeks, I have carried this life inside of me (even if I didn't know it the first few weeks, ha!)

I am keenly aware that this is infant loss and awareness month.  Sometime over the next couple of days, we will experience a birth and a burial.  It seems like such an oxymoron.  As a family, we cried together today- all five of us.  Our son who was added to our family only a little over a year ago, expressed his grief in words.  It was such a huge moment for him- to allow himself to experience sadness instead of surpressing it.  Our other two have asked a multitude of questions to which we have answered to the best of our abilities.  We are grieving the LIFE of our daughter, Liliana Jane Pizzati (Lilly Jane).  Although our hearts are broken, we can still declare that God is good.  I pray that in our pain, His purpose will prevail.

 Lord, haste the day when our faith shall be sight....

Our hearts may be broken, but It is well with our souls.


Thank you all for your fervent prayers on behalf of Lilly and for us.  We will rest in His comfort and grace.

We Worship in the Wait

This month we received difficult news about our unborn baby and we were told to wait and see what will happen.  Waiting can be so difficult!  We have a month to wait for the next ultrasound.  We have played through many possible scenarios in our minds, but still find ourselves back to the reality of the unknown future.  We find ourselves not being able to make definitive plans because we don't know what the full projection of our baby's life is going to be.  We have faced the reality that miscarriage and stillbirth are high percentages.  We have also faced the reality that our child could be born with severe disabilities.  And yet, knowing that medical knowledge, we still KNOW that God is able to heal and restore completely if He chooses.  So, we have decided to worship Him in the wait.  As I have stated before, we will praise Him no matter the outcome, so we might as well start now.  We have praised Him for the life growing inside of me.  We have also shared that we are simply His vessels and desire nothing more than for Him to receive glory!  God has been so gracious to us!  He has given us His peace that passes understanding.  He has reminded us of His faithfulness in times past and we have no reason to doubt that His grace and faithfulness will prevail yet again.  In fact, we are simply overwhelmed by the faithfulness and goodness of God.  We find ourselves in a new place facing circumstances we never imagined.  We are in deep waters, but His sovereignty still prevails and His grace abounds.  Of this, we can testify!  His grace is meeting us in our deepest fears and pains and we are resting in His embrace.  We are so grateful for the prayers of the saints that are uplifting us and for the messages we have received.  This is where we are today and we hope to update after our next appointment.  We are so thankful that we can trust Him with our everything!

The second verse the worship song, OCEANS, by Hillsongs says this:

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine