Culture Shock-Tween Years

Our oldest daughter turned 12 this week.  It has been increasingly noticeable that we have entered into new territory as parents- the "tween years".  Its a scary time for us actually, because we know of all the traps and snares that she will be tempted with in the years to come.  We desire for her to follow the Lord and stay close to Him and preserve her purity and innocence.  We were thrilled when some close friends of ours shared with us a study that they had used called "Passport to Purity".  We decided that we will use our childrens' 12th birthdays as the opportunity to address with them openly and honestly about some of the snares that are coming and make a covenant with them about working through it together.  So, this weekend, we took our daughter away for the weekend to begin what we hope will be open dialogue with her.

It was clear to us in the beginning of this trip that the enemy did NOT want us to go and address the topic of PURITY and we faced multiple trials and challenges just leaving.  Our vehicle is not in our name, but rather in BMDMI's name, so in order to leave, we had to have a special signed and seal permit.  We obtained that days ago and crossed the border into Nicaragua after being checked by multiple people only to be denied further entry because there was an error.  The permission had to have the license plate number on it and included the letter "n".  However, the letter on the plate is ñ...yes, that is an n with an accent mark.  Because that accent mark was missing, we were asked to leave the country.  We were deported from Nicaragua for an accent mark!  After several hours of finding a lawyer and communicating with our office, we were able to get a corrected copy and finally cross the border.  I will never in my life underestimate the power of the ñ in Spanish again! It was late at this point but we forged on.  An hour into the trip, we ran over a screwdriver in the road and had a flat tire (the 3rd one in two weeks!!!)  After multiple frustrations with the jack and missing parts and wrong size spare, we continued and arrived at our hotel at 3 a.m.

The next day we filled with some of the touristy sites including a tour of a cocoa farm and a tour of the islands in the lake, including monkey island, then we returned to the hotel room to work on our study.  For any parents out there that are wondering how to broach this topic with your children, we just want to say that we highly recommend this resource!  It covered so many pertinent topics that will most likely become a challenge in the years to come.  Yes, there were some awkward moments and some embarrassing questions, but we continued to share with her that it is our job to protect her and we love her enough to have these kinds of conversations so that she isn't learning about it from just anyone or from the media.  We wanted her to see a Biblical perspective!  Saturday evening we visited the active volcano in Masaya.  We finished our weekend today returning home to Honduras and signing a covenant with each other.

The culture shock into these years is real.  I find us answering questions that were certainly not present a year ago.  However, we enter these new places clinging to the One that holds us close and provides wisdom and guidance.  We are relying on others that have walked this road ahead of us and we are seeking out resources to guide us as parents.  We find ourselves praying for our children in new ways and recognizing more cautiously the many traps that await them.

Small (yet HUGE) Victories

Some days with Sam are tough.  Some days, I get weary.  Some days, he drains every bit of my energy and I find myself at the end of myself.  I have felt the same with each of my children.  Some days, it is Owen and other days (especially these new preteen years), it is Gabby.  However, my pastor once told me, anything that brings us to the end of ourselves and makes us turn to Jesus, is a good thing.  I find myself praying often, "God, I can't....but YOU can."  Lord, I need you to love through me.  I need you to be patient through me and Lord, would You be gracious enough to show me glimpses of progress and growth in my kids?  So tonight, after we have tackled multiple obstacles and situations today, I choose to show some of the small (yet HUGE) victories we have seen with Sam.

1.  Sam got angry last week while losing in a board game.  He had a meltdown that was ugly.  However, once he gained control, he came to me on his own accord and simply said, "Mommy, I think I need to say that I'm sorry."  It seems like a small step, but to me this was big!

2.  Sam has had a hard time sitting still in church.  With a tip from a teacher, we tried carrying a sensory bag and we were able to enjoy worshiping the whole service while he stayed engaged with his activities AND he was able to tell us what happened in church.  Small steps.

3.  I have had a fellow missionary and recently a short term volunteer work so hard on making weighted blankets for the classrooms.  He has slept through the night with one!  Also, he now comes and ASK me for one to use in the classroom.  It helps keep him in his seat a little longer and he can focus on work.  Small bean bags have helped with this also.

4.  He has learned a few Spanish words over the last couple of weeks.

5.  He has also taken off on his reading in English.

We think he is making huge progress and lots of steps in the right direction.  Thanks for praying!

My Child Has Special Needs

Tonight, I write from the trenches of parenthood.  Its been a long, emotional week in our household.  You see, school started back this week.  In our household, that takes on extra meanings.  I have the amazing privilege of "directing" a school in a third world country at a children's home.  That means heavy responsibilities and hard decisions.  That means pushing through sickness and going to school anyways.  That means trying to always find the very best teachers and provide the best resources for our students.  And, that means trying to do everything possible to reach each child and teach them. It's trying to instill in each child how valuable they are and encourage them to reach their fullest potential. It is sharing with each of them the love of Jesus that abides in us and living the gospel for all of them to see.  It is trying to assume the role of making disciples.

This week, we started another new school season, but this time, with a new child.  A few months ago, when Sam entered into our lives, we took on a new realm of parenting that included lots of doctors appointments and therapy sessions.  My child has special needs.  We have been given three letter diagnosis and been shown multiple treatments that will help him.  We find ourselves perusing the internet at night reading about his condition and learning all we can about it so we can better identify with our son.  Yes, we entered a new world with new terminology and new schedules that come with special needs.  We find ourselves being drawn to other parents and families that have walked this road long before us and have words of wisdom and encouragement to offer.  Just as we have prayed through multiple seasons in the lives of Gabby and Owen, we find ourselves crying out to God for divine wisdom in the best way to parent him.  

I have to say, that when I realized our son needed therapies and special accommodations for school and home, in the depths of my heart, I questioned whether we were supposed to return to Honduras or not.  I mean, Honduras doesn't even have occupational therapists that I am aware of, and I knew that we did not have the "special" things he needed at our school.  So, I prayed and asked God to give us wisdom.  In His faithfulness, God made it clear that we were to return with a miraculous series of verses and events.  He also provided a LEAD teacher that has years of experience in special education and drips with insight and wisdom for us.  He has provided an amazing support system with our families and missionary family.  So, my mind shifted from the "IF" we were supposed to return to asking God to teach us through these circumstances what He wants to teach us.  As I learn more and more about Sam's condition, I am convinced that we have multiple other students that deal with similar issues.  What if God wanted to use this child to build the foundation for special education accommodations in our school that will affect many other children in the future?   We have a good start this year.  Sam made it through the first couple of days of school.  He is so excited to be learning!  Today, he talked about his teachers as if they are his heroes.  He even came home and played "school" with me while he pretended to be a teacher.  

My child has special needs and I am a better person because of it.  

Sam needs us to explain in detail the daily plan to him and that is just a good parenting technique (the other kids are grateful that we are being so thorough in this also).

Sam's condition requires us to pause 4-6 times a day to do some exercises.  I tend to set my speed on "go" at all times.  Pausing is a healthy thing.  Taking deep breaths and stopping everything else in life for a few moments to focus my attention on my child is a good thing.  

Sam demands our full attention many moments.  How many times have I been distracted by other things, that I have been guilty of not "seeing" my kids?  Taking time to forget everything else and focus on him and Gabby and Owen is priceless.  These years will never return.

Sam's issues require us to parent him differently than we do Owen, just like we parent Owen differently than Gabby.  Therefore, Rene and I have to spend time communicating about what we feel is best and how we will approach the next behavior that we would like to see adjusted.  

Sam's condition makes me want to be a better learner as I find myself reading and studying more and more about the condition and approaches to treatments.  

Sam has allowed me to develop an even deeper level of compassion and full blown respect for children and their parents that are labeled "different".  

Having Sam is allowing me to see so many others that struggle as he does and it moves me to want to help them in a country where most are not receiving any kind of support.  Where most of these kids are labeled "dumb" or "disruptive" and kicked out of schools.

Loving Sam makes me want to provide the ABSOLUTE best that we can for him and others that struggle like him.

I don't know exactly what God is up to, but I know that He is stretching us in new ways and we find ourselves more and more dependent on Him.  We want to keep ourselves open to being used as His vessels.  We continue to be grateful for the opportunity to serve Him here in Honduras.

New Beginnings- New Life

The first month of the year- a time for new beginnings!  What better way to celebrate than by signing paperwork for an adoption?!?  Lord willing, this Friday will be that day for us.  We have shared with Sam that it's the day he receives his new name.

Samuel came to us with a legal name.  His legal name was Samuel Zhukun Last Name of First Adoptive Family.  One of the first weeks that he was with us he shared with us that he didn't like his name.  When we asked him which name he was referring to,  he shared with us that he liked the English name Samuel, but he didn't like his middle name Zhukun.  He shared with us that was the name given to him by the orphanage and it wasn't the name that his birth mom had given him.  When we asked him what name it was that his birth mom gave him, he shared with us an answer.  A couple of weeks later we were having dinner with some Chinese speaking friends and we shared with them this story.  They shared with us that the meaning of the name his mom had given him could have meant "below good."  We quickly decided that we would NOT keep that name since it goes directly against what we believe about him.  Thus began the search for a middle name...

We told him that we wanted him to have a Chinese middle name because that is his heritage and we wanted him to keep part of that with him.  So, through Google translate, we kept suggesting new names.  We all giggled a lot and he continuously said that he didn't like our suggestions.  

However, Rene had an idea.  You see, his dad's name was Rene and his name is Rene and Owen's middle name is Rene, so he wanted Samuel's middle name to be Rene in Chinese.  While we were in China, we were able to talk to a couple there and share with them our idea.  The name Rene means "reborn/new life".  So, talking with this couple around a dinner table that night in China, we found our son's new name- Chongsheng.  It is the same word used in John chapter 3 and it means reborn/new life.  Rene in Chinese.  It just seemed perfect--convincing Sam would be different.

When we first told Sam his new middle name he laughed and then also refused it.  However, later on we had the opportunity to share with Sam that this is a family name and it is also his heritage.  Now, he shares his name with pride.  He knows that will be on his birth certificate and follow him the rest of his life.  He understands that it ties him to us forever.  

So, this Friday, Sam legally begins his new life with a new name.  Samuel Chongsheng Pizzati.
We are a little giddy with excitement!  The papers will finally show what our hearts already know.

New Year

I LOVE new beginnings- A chance to have do-overs; a chance to relish in God's mercy and experience new grace.

Today, on the first day of the year, I am excited to get a fresh start with new yearly goals that I hope will make me better professionally, personally, and spiritually.  I have mapped out my goals below:

1.  Before being a missionary, a teacher, or director of a school, I am a wife and a mom.  I am making a commitment for this year to set aside one evening a week to spend some quality time with my husband.  For me, that means turning off the phone and computer and having some time face to face. There are many weeks that will be impossible due to us being in separate places, but I can still keep that time dedicated to him to pray for him.  

2.  I am committing to give an afternoon or weekend morning a month to be quality time with my kids.  Maybe it means watching a movie together or maybe having a special Saturday morning of board games.  My kids are only little once and I want to savor these moments with them.

3.  Professionally, I have been terrible about systems this year.  I am looking forward to implementing some new systems to help me with Thank You cards and responding better to emails.  With the help of an amazing leadership team, I believe this as well as many other things will be a lot easier to manage.  

4.  I also am challenging myself to take a seminar in education to help me continue to be a lifelong learner.

5.  Spiritually, I want to grow closer to Jesus.  I need to implement more spiritual disciplines in my life.  I hope to set aside Sunday mornings, before church, to pray regularly for our supporters.  I want to be more diligent in fasting for specific things.

Here's to a year that I pray God will be glorified through our life.

Bonding Over Vomit

When we are in the states, we travel a lot!  Its part of keeping up our ministries.  We travel to speak and share with churches and schools and groups of people that partner with us financially and prayerfully what has been happening in our lives and in our ministries.  Last week was a complete whirlwind!  We made two trips back and forth to Upstate South Carolina in a 4 day time frame.  I was exhausted and the kids were exhausted.  In addition to the physical fatigue, we learned something else on those trips- Sam gets carsick.

On Sunday morning, we left Moncks Corner at 5 a.m. in order to make it to a 9 a.m. service at the Chinese Christian Church in Greenville.  We were about 5 minutes from the church when Sam starts yelling, "Window down. Window down."  This has been a source of contention in our car rides more than once.  Sam likes to ride with the windows down and the rest of the family prefers the air conditioning.  However, something about the squeals of the other two kids made me realize this was different.  I grabbed a grocery bag that was at my feet in the passenger seat and passed back to him.  Immediately, he was sick....really, really sick.  Then, Owen jumped up screaming, "There's a hole in the bag!"

Rene pulled over at the gas station and the rest of the family bailed.  It was just me and poor Samuel.  He was covered in vomit and so was the car.  God gave me such grace in that moment and mommy instincts kicked in.  I began the process of cleaning him up and getting him clean clothes to change into and then started on the car clean-up.  Sam kept saying, "I'm sorry, Mommy."  I assured him that he had NOTHING to be sorry about.  He got sick and it wasn't his fault.  When it was all over, he hugged me and said, "Thank you, Mommy!"  I was a mess!

It was a small moment, but it was so special.  It was a moment where he needed me and I had the privilege of being a "Mommy" to him in a moment when most little kids want their mommy's help.  Since that little moment, I have noticed Sam a lot more eager to crawl in my lap and give me hugs.  Ever so slowly, WE are bonding!  (Even if that does come with a sour smell and sticky yuckiness)

"Why Not Me?"

Many of you know that I work in a school located in a children's home in Honduras.  What an absolute PRIVILEGE it is to serve here.  The children that I get to serve and work with are some of the most precious kids on the planet.  I get the joy of watching them succeed academically.  I get the joy of being in the trenches with the teachers day in and day out to provide the absolute best that we can for them.  We believe that a high quality, Christian education is going to change the trajectory of their lives.

So, before we left to go pick up Samuel, I shared with all of our students that we were going to adopt a child.  I explained that he was a from a different country and he needed a family....And then I braced myself, because I knew what was coming.

One child raised his hand and asked, "Mrs. Brooke, why didn't you adopt me?"

Every child longs for a family.  Life seems so unfair at times.  Why does one get the blessing of family and the other doesn't?  With as much confidence as I could muster, I assured each one of them,

"Babies, if the law allowed you to be eligible for adoption, each of you would have been snatched up by multiple families by now.  You are ALL precious.  I praise God that He has provided this amazing place for you to call home and I am honored to get to come here and love on you all each day. I am so grateful to all the missionaries, tias, teachers, and supporters that make this home possible."

The questions proceeded,

"Mrs. Brooke, what happened to Samuel?  Why does he get to be with another family?"

I continued with caution as I shared his story with them.  I shared that he was found on the streets of China and that no one knows where his original parents are.  Then the hand came from one precious little boy that I have spent so much time loving and teaching and helping to come up with coping mechanisms for anger,

"Mrs. Brooke, that's MY story."

"I know, sweetheart.  He has a story similar to many of you that live here.  That's why I know that YOU will understand so many his emotions when I bring him back here.  How do you think he is going to feel coming to a new place, learning a new language?"

Student #1:  "He will feel scared."
Student #2:  "He will be confused."
Student #3:  "He may feel some excitement."
Student #4:  "He will feel happy because this is a happy place."

"Well, I know that EACH one of you are going to help him feel happy here.  That you will teach him things about Honduras and that he will teach you things about China.  You guys are all going to learn so much from each other.  I am so excited that he gets to come and experience life together with you."

Life is not always fair, but I am grateful for Good Shepherd Children's Home.  I am grateful for Good Shepherd Christian Academy.  Its because of people in the states that generously give from month to month that these ministries exist.  So, there are many kids here in Honduras that will never get to share my last name, but I work hard because I love them.  I believe in them and I believe that the ministry God has called us to is making generational change.

Maybe God has not called you or your family to adopt, but there are multiple other ways to become involved in being a part of a child's life that needs to know stability and love.  You can help those that are asking, "Why not me?"  Consider giving to one of these ministries on a monthly basis to see that we can continue providing for them.

https://giving.bmdmi.org/bmdmi-schools

Photo Credits go to Billy Weeks