Holy Moments

I'm caught up in Your presence
I just want to sit here at Your feet
I'm caught up in this holy moment
I never want to leave

Oh, I'm not here for blessings
Jesus, You don't owe me anything
More than anything that You can do
I just want You

This past month was one that I will forever remember.  In March, my dad was diagnosed with myelodysplastic syndrome on the same day that our borders were shut down in Honduras.  I wrestled then with the reality that I might not see my dad again here on earth.  As a missionary overseas, we know this reality when we sign up.  We understand that every "see ya later" at the airport might be the last time we hug the necks of our loved ones.  

My dad never slowed down during this pandemic.  He continued to work hard helping my brothers put together their family business which was to open on August 15th.  He did much physical labor, including climbing on roofs and building.  Right at the opening of the business, however, he was encouraged to start taking chemo.  I monitored from afar through messages and updates and realized that he was receiving blood transfusions more often than not.  I spoke with my sister-in-laws and brothers about how he was doing and made the decision on August 31st at 10 p.m. to purchase a ticket to surprise my parents.  Our borders had only opened two weeks prior to this.  I flew all day on the 1st and surprised them the morning of September 2nd at my dad's doctor's appointment.  I will never forget his expression and his hug that morning.  Right after the surprise, the doctor came out to speak to us and shared with us that his treatments were no longer working and as a family we needed to make the decision about trying to keep him comfortable.  Dad still continued to follow through with a blood transfusion that afternoon.  However, it did not boost him like he had hoped.  So, on that Friday, he decided he was done with treatments.  A hospice nurse was called in and my dad's first question to him was, "How long do I have?"  The nurse said that his doctor suspected he had about a week.  My dad was shocked, to say the least. I don't think he realized how weak his earthly body had become.

We would later learn that my dad had been preparing for months for his earthly departure but even still, he thought he had more time.  Rene and the kids flew on Saturday to try to get home to see him.  They had trouble in immigration office due to an error on a birth certificate, but thankfully, they made it through and arrived at midnight.  We drove straight from the airport to my parent's house and my dad knew each of the kids as they walked in the room and hugged his neck.  The next morning, my dad called my brothers into his room to give them final instructions.  He told them about bills to pay, policies to look for, and how he wanted his funeral.  He even shared what shirt to dress him in.  

Later that afternoon, we (kids, grandkids, and my mom) all gathered around his bed and sang worship songs together for about an hour.  It was a Holy Moment.  My dad knew Jesus personally and we realized we were spending the last hours of his life on earth with him.  Owen got to sit by his bed and talk with him for hours and hold his hand.  On Monday morning, I stood beside his bed when my dad left this earth.  His eyes popped wide open and there was so much excitement in them.  I know that was the moment that he entered into eternity.  I stood there a moment taking it in and worshipping the One who had made his faith become sight.

I am learning what it means to live life on earth without my dad.  I don't like it.  I miss him.  YET,

I will FOREVER be grateful to my Heavenly Father for giving me the gift of being with my family during this time.  He is so, so kind to me.  I am also so thankful for the hope of eternity.  A friend sent us a card that simply said, 

"One more reason to long for Heaven."

Oh how true that is!  

I have witnessed so many Divine and Holy Moments this past month:  God's timing of borders reopening, brothers recovering from COVID, surprise visit that turned into preparing for his departure.  I have seen friends that have sacrificed for our family showing the ultimate kind of Godly love.  I have seen generosity that reflects eternal perspective.  I have witnessed His plans for mom's sister unfold even in the 11th hour.  I have experienced His comfort that passes our earthly understanding.  I have seen Him grant strength to my mom that is unexplainable.  I am thankful to have been caught up in "Holy Moments" this past month.  His presence has been so very tangible.

We have amazing friends and community.  Our words could never express how thankful we are for each of you that have reached out to love on our family. 

  

Cross-Cultural Convos- Vol. 1

I had a friend ask me to put together a list of questions for cross-cultural relationships that would be good for her and her fiance to talk through before their marriage in the near future.  So my husband and I have had a great time putting together this list.  This is the first issue with more to come!  This resource is available in Spanish also if you would like it.

Pass the Ventilator

About two weeks ago, the world seemed to turn upside down.  We had vaguely heard about this virus that was sweeping through China, but little did we know how that epidemic would impact the world.  We had a team serving with us from South Carolina when we started hearing on the news of certain things shutting down as more and more cases were being confirmed in the United States.  We heard of the toilet paper disappearing off the shelves and to be quite honest, I was getting a great laugh out of the Memes that were passing through social media.  We just thought it was the media hyping things up for a virus that was like the flu.  However, when our country of Honduras shut their borders it seemed to get a little more real.

As we have mentioned in other posts we have made, we applaud the Honduran government for taking such drastic measures in attempts to prevent the situation from escalating here.  We know first hand how limited the medical field is here in this country and an outbreak would absolutely be devastating.  As of yesterday, we are at 95 people confirmed and 39 of which are hospitalized.  We understand the need is becoming great all over, but here, there is a very small number of ventilators.  One article we read said there were around 32 in the whole country.  I am not sure how accurate that number is, but we know that the medical situation here struggles on an average day to provide quality care to Hondurans, so as the numbers increase, the likelihood of deaths increase as well.

Last week, the United States Embassy issued a warning to us citizens sharing that if we want to get home, we need to do so now or be prepared to stay for an indefinite period of time.  In all of our years of serving overseas, we have seen lots of warnings from the Embassy and travel advisories, but this was a first for us.  That word "indefinite" held a little more weight to it.

By shutting these borders, a new crisis has begun for the people here...one of basic survival.  People are hungry.  No jobs and no money mean the people can't afford to eat.  We are doing our best to help counter that by providing Blessing Baskets to families, but when will this really end?  Unemployment is a critical issue all over this globe.  We are in quarantine in our homes right now for an unknown time.

We had also been scheduling a quinceanera for our daughter's 15th birthday that should have taken place today.  We had to send out a notice to friends and family to say that we were postponing it to an unforseen date.

These words:  "indefinite", "unforseen", "unknown" are hard for a planner like me to digest and accept.  I like to know and see and plan, so this has been a great reminder to me once again of Who is on His throne and in Whom I can trust even with so many uncertainities.

I can trust Him for our daily bread.  I can trust Him with an unknown future.  I can trust Him to guide our steps.  I can trust Him with my eternity. He has proven this to us time and time again.  Why should we doubt Him now?

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
Oh, for grace to trust Him more!


As of today, we seem to be in one the safest places on the planet.  There have been no confirmed cases of COVID-19 here specifically on the island.  We are the only Carribean island that can claim that so far.  However, we know that it may just be a matter of time.

So, to my friends and family... if I happen to become one of the individuals that contracts this virus and winds up critical, please know to pass that ventilator to someone else.  Pass it to someone else that may not have the same assurance of their eternity so that they may have the hope of hearing and learning.

For me to live is Christ and to die is gain!  This is the hope and security that I have!

We have a new urgency in our hearts and spirits to pray and to share...

Lord, give them ears to hear and hearts to accept Your grace!

Beauty from Ashes

This week, I am teaching the story of Joseph for Bible class.  Genesis 50:20 is our verse to memorize:  "But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive."

What the enemy meant for evil, He turns it for our good and His glory.  It is one thing to read this, and sing this, and it is entirely different to live this.

August 28 marks the year anniversary of the day we died a 1,000 deaths.  Our lives were turned upside down in a single decision and our hearts shattered in a million pieces and ministries we loved were immediately placed in the hands of others.  For those that know me, I am pretty emotional, but these emotions were new even for me....the depths of despair took on a whole new meaning.  As the author Lysa Terkeurst describes it, my heart was not just shattered, but it seemed like dust.  There were moments I couldn't breathe and even moments I didn't want to.  I found myself in bed, not able to get up for a few weeks.  I wasn't sure how to move forward.  I will never forget a sweet friend that came to check on me and saw the state of my home and family.  She began to message me each day, "Brooke, it's almost lunchtime, what are feeding the kids?" Then, a few hours later, "Brooke, it will be dinner soon, what are you preparing?"  It was a simple gesture that meant so much.  As did the visits and the meals and messages and the prayers.

This event put us on a pursuit of searching for God's plan for our lives...questions and soul searching followed and seeking Godly counsel.  Here is what we have discovered...  God isn't finished with us and His calling on our lives hasn't changed.  I am still the girl that God spoke to years ago and wrestled with a calling to missionary service overseas.  I am still the same girl that quietly surrendered in that time of wrestling to say, "God, I will go.  I don't know where You are sending me or what You are asking me to do, but my answer is yes, Lord."  I am still the same girl with a heart for education and I still believe with all my heart that it is truly one of the greatest tools to change lives and change a generation.  My husband believes greatly in the local church and has a heart for church planting and training leaders.  This has not changed.  As a couple, we have a huge heart for orphan care and orphan care prevention.

Therefore, I changed my pursuit not to questioning God's calling or my passions, but to seeking restoration.  I declared that this is our year of Restoration.  Oh, the nuggets of truth He has shown me!  Today, I can testify that God does indeed bring beauty from ashes.  Here are glimpses of the BEAUTY that He has brought forth:

1. If you have ever been wounded in ministry, you are not alone.  It is most heart-wrenching and dreadfully painful when we as believers injure our own.  Here is what I can testify...forgiveness is possible.  It has been granted to me when I have wounded others and it is certainly possible for me to choose the path of forgiveness and healing for those that have wounded me.  I was recommended this podcast:  Total Forgiveness by RT Kendall.  It meant a lot to me.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0ecj9DYS8I . One thing that I was getting so upset over was that I thought I had forgiven, but then I would see a social media post or hear a comment, a rush of hurts would come back.  However, in this podcast, Kendall makes a point to share that this is part of our life sentence.  It will never go away, so each time the surge of emotions come back, we have to take these names back to the alter again and ask for God's help to forgive them.  I have added a few names this past year to the "enemies" prayer list and I make sure that I pray for them as often as I can.  When I pray, I truly mean it when I ask for God to bless them.

2.  Restoration is not just possible, but essential in order to serve others effectively.  It doesn't just happen; it has to be sought after.  A really neat nugget of truth that I learned this year is that one of the names of God is Elyashib, which means God Restores.  The very name and nature of God is to Restore.  "He leads us beside still waters, He restores our soul."  August 28, a year ago, God gave me that verse as a promise.  I never imagined it would be literal in leading us to still waters, but God has given us a new location to help with the healing.  I praise God for that.  A new location for us was essential to finding restoration.  It would have been too hard to see the same people and places over and over again.  He has also given me multiple verses to remind me of the promise of restoration.  Besides His word, some other ingredients that have helped to bring about restoration is REST (it's even part of the word RESToration) and these two tools:

3.  What the enemy meant to use for division and destruction, God has turned to multiplication and planting.  I love those we left behind.  I love them so much, it hurts and I would never want to hurt them.  There is a school of children back in a certain valley that will forever be etched in my heart.  For me, taking steps forward was trying to be ever so cautious not to hurt those we left.  I prayed hard for them and asked God to supply their needs.  He has been so faithful to do just that.  There are beautiful people that He has positioned in His divine plan to love them and continue on the ministry that we invested so many years into.  God has just multiplied his workers to send to other places so that others will hear the Good news we are all called to share.  Things don't always look the same, but His purpose prevails.

4.  Starting over is hard.  Transitions are hard.  New places are hard.  New cultures are hard.  These are realities in our situation.  Questions have come, doubts have crossed our minds, counseling has been pursued, but God's faithfulness has never waivered.  He IS faithful to lead, guide, provide.  He IS with us.  We have very humble new beginnings, but we are dreaming big dreams again.  God is stirring in our hearts exciting new things.

One verse that has become essential to me this year and is now also the prayer for my family is Psalm 90:

O Lord, come back to us!
    How long will you delay?
    Take pity on your servants!
14 Satisfy us each morning with your unfailing love,
    so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives.
15 Give us gladness in proportion to our former misery!
    Replace the evil years with good.
16 Let us, your servants, see you work again;
    let our children see your glory.
17 And may the Lord our God show us his approval
    and make our efforts successful.
    Yes, make our efforts successful!

We covet your continous prayers.  We NEED your help.  The work before us is great and the workers are few.  Consider partnering with us in this journey towards making Him known!

Even Though...

It's been a while since I have written.  Our lives have been consumed with transitions and new steps forward for our family.   This past week, we decided to look through some "Dealing with Transition" information that we were gifted with.  One of those documents was to score yourself on events that have happened in the last year and the total number marks your stress indicator.  For us, our score was 10 times the "normal" rate.  Events such as miscarriage, change in work status, change in residence, foster daughter leaving home, change in school situation, change in religious activities, personal injury, change in living conditions, change in financial status, and change in social activities were just a few of the high ranking events that caused our numbers to soar.  It's no wonder our transition has been far from easy.

"Even though I walk through the deep dark valley, I will fear no evil for YOU are WITH me..."  Psalm 23:4

There is much I want to share about the sweet, special moments we have sensed His presence in the middle of the swirling chaos.  He is so faithful.   However, for today, I just want to testify that His grace is sufficient.  He has sustained us and carried us.  He has continued to provide for our every need.  We cannot help but to praise Him in the midst of the storm.  Based on Psalm 23:4, we walk FEARLESS of evil and heartache because His presence is our reward.

Transitions are hard.  Saying goodbyes are hard.  Adapting to new cultures is hard.  Testifying of Jesus is NOT hard.  We wouldn't have made it without Him!

Empty Arms and Unveiled Truth

Those that have followed my blog for the last year know that our family walked through some difficult times.  One of those was a surprise pregnancy and second trimester miscarriage.  Walking through that left us scratching our heads many times, but trusting that God was doing something we couldn't see.  After taking time to grieve our loss, I couldn't help but think that God was preparing us for something else.  I even shared with a friend that I was excited to see what the next plans would be that God was to reveal to us.

So, fast forward to around the time of when my due date was supposed to be...our children's home received a precious little one who had been in a severely abusive situation.  She was under two years old and had already physically endured so much, not to mention her emotional state of being.  The department of social services here actually wanted her in the care of a family to assist with her healing.  Rene and I stepped forward to volunteer.  I just knew we were supposed to be a part of her healing.  Little did I know that God would use her for our healing too.  She has brought so much joy to our home.  Sure, there have been sleepless nights, but the smiles and laughter make it so worth it.

Today marks one year since I entered the hospital with life in my womb and walked out with empty arms.  Interesting enough, I found myself back at the same hospital today, on the same floor, accompanying a friend for her appointment.  I took time to remember...
I remember sitting in a wheelchair at the entrance/exit door last year while Rene went to get the car.  I remember my heart aching as I watched moms with babies and little ones entering those doors while mine were left so eerily empty.  It seemed so unfair, yet, I decided to trust.  I made the conscious decision to trust the One who sees all and loves us.  In contrast, today, I walked out the doors laughing and talking with two special friends.  Time and the Holy Spirit really do have a way of healing our hearts.  I also recognize that today, I left those same doors with my heart full of things that I didn't have a year ago....new revelations of my Savior and sweet memories with our sweet little foster daughter.

This year, we face new difficulties and circumstances.  The ministries that we have invested our lives into were taken away from us....this is a new set of empty arms that we have never experienced before.  The pain has been great.  The struggle real.  We miss the people so much.  I watch the others that still have the privilege of serving in the ministries and I feel the aching of my own heart, wishing I could join them.  Yet, I choose to trust Him and His sovereignty.  I can't help but to believe that He is preparing the way for the next area of service.  I choose to believe that in time, I will look back and realize that I have new revelations of my Savior and sweet new memories of ministry.

Also in this same season, we find ourselves having to lay this sweet little girl back at the Savior's feet, trusting that His divine plan is perfect for her.  Right now, it seems that circumstances for her will change and our hearts will grieve again, but we trust....We know He is working all things together for good and His glory.

In this season of our lives, this is our testimony:

There is strength within the sorrow
There is beauty in our tears
And You meet us in our mourning
With a love that casts out fear
You are working in our waiting
You're sanctifying us
When beyond our understanding
You're teaching us to trust
Your plans are still to prosper
You have not forgotten us
You're with us in the fire and the flood
You're faithful forever
Perfect in love
You are sovereign over us

God Has a Special Plan for Them too!

Last week, I got to witness the culmination of a very difficult journey of adoption.  This family has been faith fighting to make this precious girl their daughter for over seven years!  By far, this has been the longest adoption process I have witnessed.  Without going into details of a story that is not mine to tell, this country just doesn't make adoptions easy.  The odds are truly stacked against anyone who desires to pursue one here.  So, it was pure relief and joy to witness this one's status change from orphan to daughter.  I posted their picture on social media and wrote the caption above.

"An example of relentless love, of continual pursuit when all odds were against them.  I am inspired by their faith and rejoice in this act of redemption.  Happy adoption signing day, Lluvia!  God has great plans for you."

Ever since I posted that, I have fought an internal battle of sorts.
I am an adoptive mom.  I don't believe there is any action that more tangibly represents the Gospel of Jesus than the act of adoption.  It is beautiful.  It is a true act of redemption.  I am ecstatic that this family gets to experience that!  I am overjoyed that this child will now have a forever family and I do believe that God has great plans for her.  After all, a family environment is always best.

However, I couldn't help but think about the other children that live in our children's home.  The many children that will never have the opportunity for adoption.  Does God have great plans for them too?  Their lives will never look so Cinderalla-like.  They won't have the person to call mom or dad.  They won't get to drive out those gates to a new home and a new life.  For many different reasons, they will be stuck in the children's home they have been placed in.  Yet, I DO believe that God has GREAT plans for them too.

I am reminded that even when the fairy-tale ending doesn't happen, God is still good and He is in the business of bringing Himself glory.  I am reminded that He is writing the stories for each of the littles that live in the home.  I am reminded that His story is still good and it is part of a greater and bigger story. Even when disappointment comes and expectations are not met, it is the process of knowing Him that is most important.  That is the purpose of Good Shepherd Children's Home- to provide a safe and loving home to those that have been abused, abandoned, and neglected and through that process to point them to Jesus.  That is the purpose of Good Shepherd Christian Academy- to provide a high quality, Christ-centered education that is equipping them for a bright future.

There is an amazing team of North American missionaries and Honduran staff members that are working hard to ensure that we are giving the best possible childhood to those that will never know another place to call home.  We tackle this endeavor from many different fronts including a home environment that includes good meals, safe homes, family atmosphere (Good Shepherd Children's Home), education (Good Shepherd Christian Academy),  and spirituality (Valley Church).

I want to invite you to join our efforts through your prayers and finances to help us say to those kids that God has a special plan for them too.

Check out the websites below:

www.gsch.bmdmi.org
www.gscaedu.org